Everybody Has At Least One…

A while back (back in my single days), my cousins and I were out one night and we started talking about famous people we were strangely/embarrassingly attracted to.  My cousin stated that everybody has at least one, so of course, I asked, “So who is yours?”  He brought out one of the longest justifications I have ever heard for anything…and then said…BETTE MIDLER.  YIKES!!!  Just to remind anybody who doesn’t know what Bette looks like, here you go:


Again, YIKES!  Kookoo Bananas!!! This looks like the aunt from the other side of the world who makes suggestive comments that confuse everyone at family reunions.

So after I picked myself up off the floor (I remember it well…back when Fran’s was around up by Yonge/Eg) and called for a bucket, I laughed…and laughed.  No man has been so mocked in one seating.  My cousin, wanting to exact his revenge, asked who mine was.  I thought for a while and said I didn’t have one.  He insisted everyone does.  So after a lot of thought, I came up with Bif Naked (who actually just got married…oh darn).  In case you don’t know who Bif Naked is…

Bif Naked

My cousins were astonished…even afraid.  Personally, I think she’s pretty hot.  Always liked a woman with a few tattoos and when you hear her in interviews, one of the more interesting artists out there.  I can’t believe I got away with putting her up as my “strange attraction”.

Anyway, sit back and think…you have one too…let’s just hope it isn’t as bad as Bette Midler.  Let’s just hope that it is more on the “interesting” level.  It’s a lot more fun when it is embarrassing, but whatever, just depends on what that person does for you I guess…


  1. avatar Moi! Says:

    Men have the weirdest tastes in women.

    Though Bif Naked is not weird imo…she has always been hot and very cool in the interviews I have seen her in.

    I think u need to pick someone else.

  2. avatar shawnkemp Says:
  3. avatar Sean Maxwell Says:

    Strange but true. I once met Bif Naked in my university dining hall, when she came by with Bill Welychka of MuchMusic to film some segment on Toronto ghost histories (supposedly, a painting of Bishop John Strachan in our dining hall was haunted). Bill left to get permission to film, and I talked to Bif for about ten minutes. The tattoos and piercings were much in evidence, and she was a little frightening looking, but she certainly had a distinctive and singular presence. She gave me backstage passes to a Toronto show, which I was too chicken to use. Had I known, I would have offered them to you to try your luck.

    Also, a classmate of ours shares, or at least when he was in Grade 10 shared, your cousin’s appreciation for Bette Midler, describing her, if I recall correctly, as a “pretty foxy dame, for an old lady”. Hopefully, he has recanted this position, so I won’t besmirch his reputation by naming him here, but he and I share a first name.

  4. avatar Jus Says:

    Bif Naked looks like Posh Spice in that photo.

    1) Martha Stewart. Her having been in jail makes it even better.

    2) Connie Chung. Damn you Maury.

  5. avatar Jus Says:

    3) Benazir Bhutto. Powerful, sexy and deeply corrupt. What’s not to love?

  6. avatar Jay Says:

    Kemp…Hillary Clinton? YIKES!!!

    Maxwell, if you had sent me that backstage pass, I would have been on the first plane outta Montreal to get to TO for that.

    HILLARY CLINTON? Well, Kemp, you must have been in heaven seeing her cleavage a few weeks ago…

  7. avatar Blunt Laura Says:

    I think your admiration of this woman may go hand in hand with your clothing issues. How many pair of shoes do you think she would own if she had to shop for them herself? Pink Shirts + Masculine woman= Metro man

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