Just Because Fortino’s Calls Itself the Grocery Store with a Heart, Doesn’t Mean You Should Be Shopping There on Valentine’s Day

So Valentine’s Day passed last weekend and after hitting the gym, I popped by the local Fortino’s to do some quick groceries. When I got into the parking lot, I was shocked to see it rammed. Cars were everywhere and men were scurrying across the street in so many directions it looked like roaches when the lights come on. I wondered what was going on, whether I had missed an announcement where cashiers were now going to be swimsuit models or something and then it hit me, it was Valentine’s Day.

I instantly felt badly for these guys as I started my long walk into the store, because no matter your situation, if you are doing any sort of Valentine’s shopping at Fortino’s on Valentine’s Day, things aren’t going to go so well for you. It really is that simple.

Let’s say you’re a married guy and you’re at Fortino’s on Valentine’s Day. You are there because a) you forgot it was Valentine’s Day and are scrambling to get some Fortino-flowers; b) you didn’t forget, but are just that lazy and are masochistic; c) you really just don’t care anymore. If you are a single guy and you are at Fortino’s on V-Day, you are a) doing last minute shopping for a dinner you probably can’t cook; b) scrambling for last minute Fortino-flowers because you forgot; c) scrambling because you didn’t forget, but again, are lazy and masochistic; d) completely oblivious as to what your girlfriend wants for V-Day.

Here’s a general rule: If you are in Fortino’s on Valentine’s Day, you might just be stupid. I hung around for a bit watching these guys picking through the yellow paint bins full of flowers, holding them up in the air and staring at them like a doctor might a newborn baby, pleased with themselves and their choice. I could only stand there and wonder, “Dude, did your wife/girlfriend see you leave the house knowing that you were coming out to get flowers from here? I mean, if you are already behind in the count, the least you can do is head to the florist. They’re in the same plaza!” I mean, nothing says “I love you” like a last minute $14 purchase wrapped in cellophane.

So what did I do for Valentine’s? Dinner and a movie. Tried, tested and true. Where was dinner? A pub. Hold on, the wife chose it (and that’s why she’s my girl). The movie? Wolfman…again, HER choice…and we both slept through it. The best thing is that walking out of there, we were laughing at ourselves.

Trust me guys, you’re better off coming up with something on some random night to impress your woman (or just clean the house…you’d be surprised how far that can go) and stick with the standards on V-Day, but if you’re in Fortino’s, you’d better have a comfy couch.

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